UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
