The maid of honor just puked.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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