She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My ass is underappreciated
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
