I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
