Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
