I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
