What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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