You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
