Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
