cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
