For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
