i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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