Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
