it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Enjoy the penises
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
