If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
