How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
