My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
