My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
