apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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