This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
