Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can't just leave with hair like that
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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