Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
