kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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