...so i touched it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
