I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
