need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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