Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
