A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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