i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All the doctor said was why
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
