i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
