they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I want is dick and wine.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
