There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
