You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
