He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
