I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
