my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
