walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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