Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize