Swine flu. Run for my life!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
