There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
