I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
