This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
