I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
