Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
