i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
