IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
