How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
