I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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