If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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