Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
