I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
