A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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