Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
