Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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