I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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