oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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