Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
