I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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