I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
