He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
