You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
