is your mom at the bar?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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