in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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