everyone is single if you try hard enough
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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