Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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