this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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