I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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